Tag Archives: Superman

“Superman 2: The Richard Donner Cut”

Richard Donner is an American Film director whose work includes The Omen, Lethal Weapon, The Goonies and one of my favorite films, Superman. Donner was originally commissioned to film both Superman and Superman 2, and so filmed many scenes for both films simultaneously, which meant that when the filming on the first Superman wrapped, its sequel was almost complete. However, due to disagreements with the producers about the direction in which they wanted this follow up to go, after Superman was released around the world, Donner was replaced by a British Director named Richard Lester who re-shot many of Donner’s scenes to enable him to take the Director’s credit. In 2001, whilst Michael Thau was working on restoring and releasing to DVD, Superman and Superman 2, he came across the original Donner footage for Superman 2 in a vault in England. After prolonged pressure from fans around the world, in 2005 Michael Thau and Warner Brothers agreed to create Superman 2: The Richard Donner Cut using footage from screen tests to fill in the gaps that were left by Donner’s replacement and it was released to DVD in 2006. In February of this year The Glasgow Film Festival in collaboration with Cineworld Cinemas decided to screen The Richard Donner Cut on the big screen for the first time ever and for one night only, with an introduction from Mark Millar, the creator of Wanted, Kickass and Superman: Red Son. Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s my pleasure to tell you that for this historic event in Superman history, I was there, sitting in the front row like the crazed Superman geek that I am.

 

Getting to the cinema is not an easy task when ones legs refuse to work properly. Yes, I now had my new best friends, “The Sticks”, to lend a helping hand but it was still extremely difficult to stand up and walk from my living room to the bathroom never mind around the City Centre of Glasgow to get to the cinema.  Mr Costner, my own personal Bodyguard agreed to come and pick me up and drop me right outside the cinema. However, some inconsiderate lorry had over-turned and blocked the road across both lanes, resulting in the traffic coming to a standstill and Kevin being blocked in. This left me with two options; I could either wait way for Kevin and hope to God that Strathclyde Police had the brain power to unblock the road in the next two hours or phone a taxi to take me on a different road into the city and to the cinema. I hadn’t spent the last week in hell only to get out and risk missing my stairway to heaven as a result of some nonchalant police officers, so a Taxi it was. Unfortunately this also came with some risks. For example, when it took me 15 minutes to walk the 3 meters out of my driveway and into the car, instead of offering me a helping hand, the driver picked up a newspaper and continued to read that days Dear Deirdre column. I suspect this was because he was either; a closet homosexual, having an affair with a white witch who threatened to curse him and turn his penis green if he ever tried to end it, was considering having a sex change or all of the above. When I then tripped and fell into the taxi, the grunting noise he made was clearly due to his dismay at Deidre’s ill-conceived advice and had nothing to do with the fact that he was a knob.  Jennifer Garner met me at the cinema and it took us only 30 minutes to walk the 10 yards from where the taxi dropped us off to Europe’s tallest cinema complex. Luckily for me there was a lift.

 

As I have worked in retail for several years, I have seen many videos on disability discrimination. Every time I watch one and they show footage of how not to talk to those classed as disabled, I always think to myself, “who the hell does that?”  After my ride up in the great glass elevator, I knew. Just as Jennifer and I entered the lift we were joined by a woman who appeared to be an extra from the kids TV program Balamory, due to her choice of primary coloured clothing, cheery manner and the fact that she was a patronising bitch who spoke to everyone like they were a 3 year old child. Hence now she has been nicknamed Balamory. Balamory on seeing me with my new must have fashion accessories for Spring/Summer decided to try and befriend me. Whilst I was standing there in pain she proceeded to patronise me about my choice of Superman bag, (I already told you I was a geek), like I was a child who had ventured out with her new Dora the Explorer bag for the first time. She followed this by then trying to have a conversation with me about disabled toilets. Now by this point  had only technically been classed as disabled and out in the “real world” for a day, so I knew nothing about disabled toilets. As my legs were now killing me by this point, I just smiled politely and waited patiently for Balamory to vacate the lift, besides I had just been released from one prison, there was no way I was being admitted to another for breaking Balamory’s skull with “The Sticks”. As she left the lift Jennifer summed up my feelings about this experience in one sentence, “Just cause your legs don’t work, it doesn’t mean you are a retard”. I now knew that she was the reason why year after year I am made to watch disability discrimination videos.

 

Once on our desired floor we noticed a massive queue had started to form as all Superman fans from across Scotland gathered to worship there God. Now ladies and gentlemen, I never use my M.E as an excuse for anything but there was no way in hell I was getting a shit seat in the cinema or having to walk up 300 million steps to sit down after having already walked more in the past hour than I had done in the past week, so Jennifer went and spoke to the head usher and did what she does best with the males of the species; she turned on the charm and flashed a bit of cleavage. She returned with the news that due to her sex appeal and the fact that I had “The Sticks” we would now be the first people let into the screening. And what did this Usher get in return? A glittering email about how good his customer service was in my hour of need sent to his bosses at head office. I think he would have preferred Jennifer but by that time Kevin Costner had managed to escape the scene of the accident. You win some, you lose some.

 

Throughout Mark Millar’s introduction and Superman 2 the way Richard Donner imagined it, my legs ached beyond comprehension and I was ready to not move again until at least 2039, but all that didn’t matter, as for those 115 minutes I forgot about M.E and all the shit that comes with it. For those 115 minutes I was invincible and the only thing that could stop that feeling was the end credits.

 

*Please note all the names of people in my blog have been changed to their celebrity or fictional character counter part to protect their identity. Under no circumstances should this be a reflection of the named celebrity or fictional character.
Title taken from the film “Superman 2: The Richard Donner Cut”
 All content listed through the site is copyrighted. Unauthorised use, duplication or republication may result in legal action

 

“Apokolips”

Being someone who doesn’t particular like to live in what my older sister calls “The Real World”, I tend to imagine scenarios that the so called “normal” among us don’t care to waste their time thinking about. One of these common scenarios is, what to do in apocalyptic type situations? I have different action plans depending on what danger may be causing the human race to face its impending extinction. For instance, in the case of a zombie apocalypse, one needs to grab as many supplies as they can possibly carry on there back (including a tent) and head out of highly populated areas as fast as your legs can carry you. Now this is where the majority of people make a mistake when they have zombies running after them, there weapon of choice tends to be a gun. What’s wrong with this? Yes it’s fast and the zombies drop like flies but the noise of gun shots attracts even more zombies and before you know it, you have two thousand of the walking dead coming at you and no bullets left to shoot them in the head with. In this situation, what you need is a crossbow. It’s fast, doesn’t make a noise and you can re-use your arrows. My next apocalyptic type situation is nuclear war. This is totally different as you have less control and if it’s you against a nuclear bomb, you are going to lose. If you’re within ten miles of where the bomb hits you have no options as your life was ended as soon as some government monkey typed in the activation code and pushed the Big Red Button. Up to about 50 miles, you may not die straight away but the electromagnetic radiation from the nuclear fallout  will rapidly destroy your cells one by one until there is nothing left for you to do but sit tight and belt out the Pixies, Here Comes Your Man,

“I know the nervous walking,

I know the dirty beard hangs,

out by the box car waiting,

take me away to nowhere plain”.

If you happen to be over 50 miles away, you better hope that the weather is in your favour and get your ass as far away from ground zero as possible. 300 miles should do it. Under no circumstances should you eat anything from the ground before the 300 mile mark as all it’s going to do is poison your ass. Once you have reached the safety zone, you then need to get together a band of merry men, train hard, build up an army and wait for the ideal moment to infiltrate and take down the bastards that did this in the first place (incidentally, the last part is also what you do if some evil dictator takes over your country and tries to wipe out the majority of its population). Another situation that I have mentally prepared for is the earth being struck by an asteroid. The first step here is to reach high ground to avoid the tsunami’s, then once they have passed, find somewhere under ground to live with a shit load of supplies until the ash cloud that chokes out the sun has settled and we can once again live above ground. Perhaps if the dinosaurs had followed this plan, we would now be going to Edinburgh zoo to visit a T-Rex instead of two pandas who can only be in the same room together on the two days a year the female is ovulating or they would kill each other. My last plan is inspired by my favourite comic book hero. What to do if a Planet called Apokolips comes hurtling towards earth drawn by the force of Lord Dark Side? In this scenario there is only one person who can help us…Superman! I always imaged that I would be one of those people who would strive in such situations, however, since I have been taken over by my own personal Dark Side, M.E., I have came to realise that I may not be able to carry out my well thought out plans in times of pearl, in fact I have became part of the vulnerable section of society; but not for much longer.

 

After Christmas passed I was focused on one thing and one thing only; getting back to work. People tend not to realise how much work relates to your own sense of independence. Not only do you get to be earning your own money again but you have a purpose once more. Even if that purpose may seem menial to others, for someone who has been unable to do the most basic of jobs for over a year, For me, it’s equal to becoming a neurosurgeon, NASA scientist or waking up one morning to discover your actually President Obama. After getting the all clear from House that it would be plausible for me to go back to work for three hours, three days a week, spending only 30 minutes on my feet each day and building it up over time, I was ready.

 

The excitement of returning however was dampened by reservations I had that was causing me some anxiety. It had been a year since I had been in the working environment and although I was returning to the same type of work but with less responsibilities, I couldn’t help but worry that I no longer remembered how to do even the basic parts of my job. Would all those years I worked my ass off now be for nothing and I would be starting from scratch once more? Although I was going stickless in the shop, I walked at a very slow pace. I couldn’t help but wonder what customers would think. I really didn’t want to have to explain my situation to a random all because they thought I was taking the piss as I wasn’t rushing to serve them. As you have probably summed up from reading my blogs over the last 11 months, I am a bit strange but I like to think in a good way. However, when you are working with people that don’t know you particularly well or even at all and the one word they would use to describe you is “odd”, that’s not really a good thing. I used to be able to filter out the madness when first meeting people but I have spent the last year around people who I know extremely well and people who I didn’t have to filter out the ridiculous things that enter my brain with. During this time I have never needed to make small talk and because of this I have kind of forgotten how to do these basic skills of socialising, meaning I say stupid things and put my foot in it a hell of a lot. It’s amazing to be able to say to people “Yeah finally I am going back to work” but it’s extremely hard to explain to them the worries and anxieties that you feel on top of the excitement. I also understand what it must be like for people who have never been in that particular situation, to understand and empathise with it. After coming to terms with the apprehensions and reservations I had, I knew that I could overcome them and went back to being rapturous about getting a large part of my old life back.

 

In February 2012, almost one year to the day off my memorable trip to Manchester, I awoke at 8 am, washed, got dressed, made some porridge, picked up my stick, walked down to the bus stop listening to Bruce Springsteen, got on a bus to Glasgow and made my triumphant return to the work place and the first step to getting myself ready again for any apocalyptic type scenarios that may cross my path.

 

*Please note all the names of people in my blog have been changed to their celebrity or fictional character counter part to protect their identity. Under no circumstances should this be a reflection of the named celebrity or fictional character.
Title taken from DC’s Superman
 All content listed through the site is copyrighted. Unauthorised use, duplication or republication may result in legal action