Today we have another post from our M.E from the other side series this one is written by my sister Posh Spice.
Let me tell you about my sister. She is smart, adventurous, funny, moody, weird, interesting, passionate, generous, stubborn, eccentric, loving, super easy to get along with and she has M.E.
When we were growing up, whenever I left the house, Demi would always call out after me, “take your wee sister with you!” to which I would grudgingly reply “but mum, do I have too”. Needless to say the answer was always yes, as if it was ever in question. You see, when you are an eleven year old girl who is heading down to the street for a game of Kirby with the latest interest in your life, in this case boys you go to school with, the last thing you want is your eight year old tom boy sister, in a sweater shop jumper, cramping your style.
The thing was though, maybe I didn’t realise it at the time but she was, and still is a lot cooler than me, and I may have been jealous and didn’t want the boys to realise that too. She listens to rock bands and has deep conversations about politics, I on the other hand, listen to Take That and most of my conversations revolve around Cheryl Coles latest love interest. Furthermore, whilst I am a big woos, Samantha is fearless and often would let wasps crawl all over her face for the sole purpose of freaking me out. Unsurprisingly, she succeeded. This daring behaviour and bravery would grow to be a common factor in the next stages on Sam’s life.
When Sam was sixteen, she announced to a very worried Demi that she was off to Africa to begin her mission to see the whole of the world and help some people along the way. After Demi climbed down from the ceiling, her first words to me were, “you know what “our daft Samantha” (as she is known as at home) is doing now…, you know what she is like, she’ll get eaten by wild animals or murdered by the natives, I don’t think she should go”. However, as I mentioned before, Sam is very stubborn and has a tendency to fight for what she believes in. So after many tantrums and promises of calling home, Demi gave into her better judgement and signed the consent forms, so off Sam went to the other side of the world, as if there was any doubt.
Now after a week, Demi hadn’t heard anything from Sam, “she’s probably not near a phone or hiking up a mountain” she tried to convince herself, “she’ll call next week” she repeatedly told herself. After six weeks with no contact, her tone had definitely changed. Demi had stopped making excuses on Sam’s behalf and the most frequent comment changed to, “that wee shit, she has been away for six weeks and hasn’t even bothered to phone, I am going to kill her when she gets home”. Ironically, I am sure that the possibility of Sam getting killed was one of the main reasons why Demi was reluctant to let her go to Africa in the first place and now her impending death was going to be her welcome home gift. In the end, Samantha returned home safe and sound with many stories of her trials and tribulations without ever making that phone call home to reassure us that she was okay. Whilst we all got small memento’s of Sam’s time in Africa, Sam herself decided that the best way to remember her time there was to have a massive African tribal man dancing, tattooed, 2 foot tall down the side of her body. This perfectly sums up how independent and free spirited she is and M.E has tried its best to change that.
It’s hard watching someone you love being held captive by this disease. Especially an over active 23 year old who once disappeared to the other side of the world without even a thought for her wee worried mum at home.
You feel helpless and useless because there is nothing you can do to make them feel better and there is no way you can understand how they feel. All you can do is try to be normal and provide comfort and support when they need it. Samantha would never ask for help, but I will always be there should that day ever arrive.
Sometimes they have to push you away because they just don’t have the energy for you because M.E has used it all up, and it’s not their fault its just the way it works. You have to remind yourself that the funny, smart, eccentric genius is still in there somewhere; you are just going to have to wait a bit longer for it to come to the surface, and like all good things in life, Sam’s banter is worth the wait as I’m sure all the readers have found out for themselves
M.E has changed all of our lives, Demi has made it her personal mission in life to cure Sam of this disease, spending an endless amount of money on private doctors and Sam’s special M&S only diet. Not that I complain however, I often find any old excuse to pop round for dinner and sample Demi’s new found culinary delights. Certainly makes a change from the burnt pizza we grew up with and no Demi, tomato ketchup does not solve everything. Like when Samantha was in Africa, I know Demi lies awake at night worrying about “our daft Samantha” and what will become of her.
For me, I know that behind her new fashion accessories for spring/summer (“the sticks”) and the endless tiredness, my sister is the same determined 16 year old, who wanted to see the world and help a few people along the way. M.E hasn’t changed this and never will; she won’t let it, it’s just slightly limiting her geographically at the moment.
In the last few years M.E has tried to steal my sister away from those who love her the most but her courage and determination keeps drawing everyone closer to her as she battles to push M.E further out of her life. She continually inspires all of us in our own lives everyday. I am a very proud big sister.
So M.E, let me give you some advice from someone who has had there ass beaten by Sam many times; I’d back off if I was you, because she is determined, packs a punch and once she gets you in a head lock, its time to give up.