I have always been a believer in fate, “what’s for ye, won’t go by ye” as my mother says. Perhaps I hold this belief as it gives me security; the thought that we are all here for a reason, there is a meaning to our lives, and that every person on this planet can make a difference for the better no matter how small, instead of the alternative, our existence being nothing more than coincidence; it just so happened that a bunch of particles came together and made the earth and some other random act of science enabled us to develop over time from apes to civilised human beings (well at least some of us are). How then do I account for all the evils of this world? Surely someone’s fate isn’t to become a criminal, murderer or as annoying and as much of an arsehole, as David Cameron? I believe that we are given choices, everyone is given the ability to reach their own potential destiny, however it’s through the choices we make throughout our lives that decides whether we actually reach it or not. The Universe places our path in front of us but it is our own choice to walk it (too corny?). My inability to believe in coincidences’ means that I sometimes think that the stupidest things are a sign; a song on the radio, a line in a film, sunshine on a rainy day and once a t shirt that was being worn by a homeless man. No matter how many ridiculous things may have came out of my trying to find meaning where there is none (mostly while under the influence), a high percentage of my belief in fate and signs from the Universe pays off.
During this Summer, Demi and I awoke one morning to find a letter posted through our front door from the Scottish Executive stating that the farm land behind our house was being petitioned to have its Green Belt status (meaning that due to it being an aesthetically pleasing part of the countryside nothing can be built on it) removed by the owners, to enable them to sell the land to developers to build houses on it. My first thought on reading this was, someone needs to tell these folk that we are in a bloody recession, hardly anyone is buying houses and the folk that are buying are most probably drug dealers, as the worse the economy gets, the greater the need for recreational drug use to enable one to forget about how they lost their business, house, wife and mistress due to investing all their money in Woolworths. My second thought was well, really the owner of the land has a good point because a chunk of land he sold to the government a few years ago now has a massive motorway running through it so I don’t know if you can still technically class it as Green Belt land when it looks right onto the M80.
I am against the Urbanisation of the country side; it’s so pretty, why do people want to ruin it by building new homes that all look the same or motorways that are ugly, noisy and encourage more people to drive, leading to air pollution and global warming? I watched Frozen Planet, I know about the kind of shit that will go down if we don’t start taking measures to prevent the ice caps melting. My idea to prevent us needing to use more land to build houses and subsequently reduce the amount of cars on the road, was to control our population size by taking inspiration from the Chinese and limiting the number of children per family to one, it would also save parents a hell of a lot of money at Christmas time. However when I brought this up with a few friends, it didn’t go down to well, maybe Scotland isn’t quiet ready for this particular Family Planning Policy. The government already won the war about building a motorway through the lovely view from my bedroom window, I would have to move out if they started building houses practically in my back garden. Which would mean no more of Demi doing my washing, cooking my dinner and generally looking after me. And possibly me starving to death as I don’t have money to move out never mind to move out and also eat. So when a leaflet was posted through the door explaining that there was going to be a town meeting to rally support against the proposal I thought, I’m there. Plus I love the Gilmour Girls and imagined it to be just like the Stars Hollow town meeting complete with our very own Miss Patty, Kirk and Taylor Doose.
On entering Moodiesburn’s very own town meeting it didn’t take me long to realise it was not full of the same quirky and eccentric people that filled the small Connecticut town were Lorelai lived. It was in fact filled with the same people that shopped in the local Co-op. Even though I was disappointed by this, I realised I wasn’t there to find the Sookie to my Lorelai, I was there to SAVE OUR GREEN BELT! At the end of the meeting I went up to speak to our local MSP Hilary Clinton, (this alias may make her seem a bit more important than she actually is), surprisingly, I didn’t speak to her about saving the Green Belt. A few months prior when I was starting up a support group for people with M.E in the local area I emailed all of our local representatives about it and she was the only one that got back to me, so I thought, why not go and introduce myself and thank her for being the only decent politician in the our area. After introducing myself and explaining who I was, she went on to tell me about how she was diagnosed with M.E in the early 90s but always felt there was something that the doctors were missing. Hilary explained, it wasn’t until she pushed to be referred to a thyroid specialist that they discovered there was something wrong. Your thyroid produces hormones called T3 and T4, what they mean I have now idea. In the UK when they take a blood sample to check your thyroid is working like it should, they only check the T4 levels. This is because the T3 hormone produces the T4 hormone so if the T4 is abnormally low or high then so should the T3 and if the T4 hormone is seen to be within the normal range, by logic so should the T3 levels. However, Hilary went on to tell me that the thyroid specialist she was referred to decided it was appropriate to check both levels during which she discovered that her T4 levels where fine while her T3 levels were considerably low (which as I said shouldn’t really happen). Upon discovering this, she was placed on thyroid medication. Not long after this appointment Hillary was scheduled to go away on holiday but due to how ill she was feeling she didn’t really want to go. After some persuasion from family she decided to go to the sun and take her new medication with her. After all, there are worse places to feel like shit than on the white sandy beaches of Cuba She left Glasgow Airport in a wheelchair, feeling worse than she had ever felt in her life and returned two weeks later having taken her thyroid medicine every day, walking and having never felt better.
Now when you have M.E you come across a lot of people who claim to have had M.E and have been cured by doing some of the most ridiculous things, like the women who only ate green food for a year. It also seems perfectly appropriate for people to send you links to crazy ass things like this and expect you to say “Right Demi, stock up on Cucumbers and lettuce as that’s all I’ll be eating for the foreseeable future”. You learn to take what people claim to have happened with a pinch of salt. Don’t get me wrong I was intrigued by what Hilary Clinton said but when I brought it up briefly with House, he said there is no evidence to support the fact that T3 levels can differ from T4 levels because they are connected. So I forgot all about T3’s and T4’s and focused on trying to get better.
A few months after this, I got an email from a friend who lives in New York with M.E, now because she is a New Yorker I feel I have to call her after a Sex and the City character, but I hate all of the Sex and the City Characters. When people ask me what Sex and the City character are you? I say none of them and I would never want to be a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda. Like all women in their 20s, I have obviously watched all 6 seasons but I would never in a million years want to be any of the characters or their friends for that matter. Take Carrie for instance, she is the most self absorbed bitch on the planet, her problems trump everyone else’s no matter how petty they are, “Guys I know you have just lost your whole family in a tragic boating accident but I have a date tonight with yet another arsehole of a business man and don’t have a new dress to wear! Even though I already have one billion and one outfits in my wardrobe I could wear out, I feel like I need something new as I am Carrie Bradshaw and I deserve it for being a self-centred Twat!” F*** off Carrie, no wonder you ended up with Big, he was also a twat. Samantha, I hate not only because she has tarnished my amazing name but I can’t help but think that if she lived in Glasgow, she would be riddled. Correct me if I am wrong but they do have Herpes, Genital Warts, Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea in NYC, so I feel there should have been at least one whole season dedicated to Sam Jones finding out what price her promiscuity has come at. She could have had a different STI for every episode. They would all meet at a Café for lunch and gather round talking about meaningless crap and at the end of their luncheon, Samantha would phone her local STI clinic, get put through to the results answer machine, put it on speaker phone so all the gals could hear as it said in its Stephen Hawkins voice, “Samantha Jones, today you have Syphilis” it would have been great viewing. Then you have Charlotte, little miss goody two shoes. If I was her friend I would send her a postcard everyday with an extremely crude curse word on it and then laugh to myself as she cried at the site of it coming through the door of her upper east side New York apartment. Last and most definitely least we have Miranda, the character that no one wants to be, why? Because she is shit and boring and this is all I have to say on the subject of her as she is shit and boring, (Ok Sam, calm down they are not real, they are only characters in a book, TV program and Film). Now as I said before I watched Sex and the City and I liked it, I just hated every single one of the main characters and for that reason I cannot bring myself to give my new friend from NYC such a stereotypical pseudonym. So instead I am going to call her after another famous, much cooler, New Yorker, Jay- Z.
A few months after my town meeting, I got an email from the lovely Jay-Z. In this email she told me how she had been to the doctor who felt it necessary to check her thyroid hormone levels and in doing so discovered, just like Ms Clinton, Jay-Z’s T3 levels were low while her T4’s were fine. She had been given tablets to take and although they didn’t take away her M.E, she did feel slightly better. The very next day I then seen an article (well it was really a FB post but article makes me sound intelligent and also gives the impression that I don’t spend all my time on FB looking through people’s pictures and following the arguments they are having with their other half), about how Thyroid UK were doing a section on the role of the thyroid in M.E at there yearly conference. Now ladies and gents I thought this can’t be a coincidence, partly because I don’t believe in them and partly because I had never told anyone apart from House about Hilary’s story. I thought to myself this has to be a sign from the Universe, I have to go and get this checked as I would be pretty bloody stupid not to. The following week I returned to House to tell him all about these Thyroid messages that were being sent to me from the Universe. He said it couldn’t hurt to test my T3 levels, took some blood and told me that if there was anything abnormal he would give me a call in a week’s time when the results would be in.
A week came and went and no phone call arrived which meant my results were fine. It was a good thing I never got my hopes up and imagined all the partying and running about I would be doing as soon as I got the magic pills Hilary got. However, it did make me think, why the hell did I get sent these signs from the heavens? I still don’t know but there has to be some reason for it. Perhaps it was just so I would have something to write about in this Blog.